Pretty much any Linkin Park song covers how I feel right now, in respects to life, and people in general, and this one has a wicked video, and is probably my favourite song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpYD6cjx5M0

It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time

All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away

It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Or wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how

I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised

It got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end

You kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

It's been a completely shitty day. Arbetsförmedlingen was a complete waste of fucking time, on the way home I got a speeding ticket, one which there's no way I can afford to pay in my current job state. And I'm just left with this completely bitter feeling.

To have someone just be completely rude and blunt, and "out of touch" hurts when you care so much. She's the only one of my friends who has gone out of her way to not give a fuck. Even some of her friends have talked about ways that might keep me here, but not her, oh no. She's the ONE person whom I would listen to over all  others here, but she's too busy doing everything possible to be not there, then when asked about it "oh it wouldn't make any difference anyways"....what a fucking cop out.

For someone who says she cares, and that she was serious about fixing this, she's got a pretty fucked up way of showing it. It's impossible to talk to her, because things get twisted, and then it just becomes a big excuse as to why we don't see each other.

Anyways, enough about her, it's time I accepted that she's going to be who she is going to be, and nothing is going to change that stubborness. To be honest, I got myself into this, she did say when we started dating that she was going to hurt me, but I refused to listen...so if you read this, you're released from it, congratulations, but I don't think it bothers you anyways.

Asides from that, last training at football today, and last match on sunday. Looking forward to the season ending, have lost touch with playing football over the past few months, and pretty much lost all my interest, which for someone who adores football, takes a lot.

Still not much doing on the job front, started applying for jobs outside of Sweden now, which require a swedish speaker, there's one in eastern europe which I'm pretty interested in, so gonna fix up my application for that tomorrow. Might be nice with a change of scenery, without having to go home.

Looking forward to the weekend, after work drinks with Emil, and then out both friday and saturday night to have a blast, and forget the shit that my day-to-day life seems to bring right now.